I’ve been away from the blog for a bit. The laptop was in the shop for repairs and I didn’t have the courage to post from my phone. Here’s hoping I can get back to daily posts.

The Coca-Cola Company has a new product, which is funny since it killed off a couple hundred brands during the pandemic. (RIP, Tab.) The new juice is Coca-Cola with Coffee. That’s not the same as the new Coca-Cola energy drink, which is confusing because both come in Red Bull-style tall cans.  I got my hands on both of the Coca-Cola with Coffee Zero Sugar varieties – “Dark Blend” and “Vanilla.” If you go full sugar, there’s also a “Caramel.”

I wish I had some big reveal for you, but it tastes like Coke with coffee in it. It’s not sharp or acidic, more like a coffee hard candy. As you go, the coffee flavor will start to fade until it’s mostly just there on the finish. The “Vanilla” version didn’t taste that “vanilla” to me at all – just less coffee. That’s probably because vanilla is already in colas. Brand recipes vary, but they’re all vanilla, cinnamon, and a citrus.

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I’m taking a quick break from the Christmas songs to try the latest version of the Reese’s peanut butter cup. I think we all know the ratio of peanut butter to chocolate varies in each version of Reese’s and everyone has their favorite. Stick with me here because I’m going to go deeper than a supermarket candy bar really deserves, but it’s a Sunday afternoon during a pandemic and what else have I got going right now?

To me, the Halloween pumpkins and Christmas trees and Easter eggs are better than the original Peanut Butter Cup – although I do really miss the ridges around the edge of the original. I don’t think I’m alone because a couple years back, Hershey introduced the Big Cup – a peanut butter/chocolate ratio more like the holiday specials that still has the fluted rim. It’s a big flavor bomb of salt and sugar and peanut and chocolate. God Bless America.

Now, there’s a new version of the Big Cup that also has pretzel bits in the peanut butter. Here’s what’s odd… These aren’t the same pretzels that are in the Reese’s Take Five candy bar (which also has caramel, peanuts and chocolate, BTW). The Take Five pretzels are made with wheat flour, while the Big Cup pretzels are brown rice flour and potato starch. That makes this new candy officially gluten-free, which is great news for folks with celiac disease, but I think there’s another benefit that’s just about the experience of eating candy.

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My theory is that OREO doesn’t really care if most folks buy more than one package of any particular novelty flavor sandwich cookie. Didn’t like Red Velvet? Here comes Caramel Coconut! Imagine my Christmas surprise when gingerbread OREOS reappeared for 2020 with a new and improved recipe.

Before this year, what we got was Gingerbread Flavor Creme OREOs – two vanilla cookies with a gingerbread-spice filling. Maybe it was more efficient to repeat the vanilla cookies from other “yellow” OREOS, but it’s just backwards to have the gingerbread flavor on the inside. Nabisco must think this particular OREO has staying power, so it’s been re-reciped.

Short answer – the new ones are better. I don’t know the legal distinction between gingerbread and “gingerbread flavor,” but these OREO cookies have ginger, cinnamon, molasses, and, although I don’t taste a hint of chocolate, cocoa. I’d put them somewhere between a cinnamon-sugar graham cracker and a less-buttery Biscoff. The filling is the basic vanilla creme with red sugar flecks to plus-up the texture. I could do without the grit, but it does subliminally remind you of Christmas cookies.

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Look up there at the top of That Guy on TV and you’ll see this is my “Blog, Resume, and Hootenanny.” I had to make two decisions when coming up with that. The oxford comma was easy, but what funny word was I going to use for “party” or “celebration?”

I briefly considered “chautauqua” because it has all those funny K’s. “Shindig,” “wingding,” and “saturnalia” all made the short list even though they aren’t as komedic. But then, I found a new word to me – “beanfeast.”

According to everyone’s favorite semi-reliable source, Wikipedia, “beanfeast” means “informal term for a celebratory meal or party.” Often, it’s a party thrown by a boss and ties back to the holiday Twelfth Night. One serving of dessert had a small prize in it. The one who bit into the prize was “King” for the night. The trinket could be metal or pottery, but a big dried bean would be cheaper and easier on the teeth. If that also sounds like a New Orleans king cake, you’re right. The king cake evolved from Twelfth Night.

As a word, “beanfeast” is more popular in the UK than the USA. In “Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory,” Veruca Salt starts her song with the word, not long before the bad egg goes down the chute.

I briefly considered “clambake” too, but finally went with “hootenanny.” “Oo” sounds are funny too.

As a kid, my main soda was Mountain Dew. This was back before it was spelled MTN DEW and you could still find glass bottles with a hillbilly on it. For variety, I might throw in a blue cream soda or the Pepsi version of 7Up, Teem. Now, it’s Coke Zero Sugar and whatever sparking water is on sale.

This week, I hit the local Rocket Fizz, a national franchise (Canada too) that sells retro candy and soft drinks. Some flavors, like sweet corn soda, are weird by design, but others are regional flavors or retro brands that are still hanging on. I bought three.

Moxie

Moxie, Coca Cola, and Pepsi Cola all started as patent medicines – over-the-counter potions sold in the second half of the 1800s that promised all kinds of cures. The sugar and flavoring was there to cover the bitter “medicine.” Moxie is the oldest of the three and still contains gentian root extract, which is why it’s funkier than Coke or Pepsi.

On the pour, Moxie looks a little more red than a cola with a slight medicinal whiff of camphor or menthol. The flavor is like a cola, but with splashes of orange soda and root beer. It’s more herbal than similar soft drinks, maybe some clove, and definitely has a mild bitter finish because of the gentian root. The same extract is used in Angostura bitters, so it’s along those lines. You know how there are foods you like as a grown-up that you didn’t like as a kid? I’d guess it’s like that.

The Coca Cola Company bought the Moxie brand in 2018, but I suspect my bottle was made before the sale. The label in my hand lists “pure cane sugar,” but Coke’s website says “high fructose corn syrup.”

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